ODAT: June

Here are what I find to be the most useful quotations from the June pages of One Day at at Time in Al-Anon:

What I can give is never as much as I get from the giving.

Philosophers, clear back to the ancient Greeks, have always made much of the idea of correcting bad habits by daily practice of good ones. In Al-Anon we make much of this, too.

If we really do want peace of mind, the first thing to realize is that it does not depend on conditions outside us, but those inside us.

An honest search of our own motives may show that we relish our martyrdom or that we fear, sub consciously, that we deserve it.

Prayer, then, is not the act of giving directions to God, but to ask to learn His will.

It should not be so hard for us to accept the obvious fact that few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains in the hands of God. This is the best reason for limiting our prayers to requests for guidance, for an open mind to receive it, and for courage and confidence to use it.

It takes a lot of courage to resist the temptation to take over the alcoholic’s responsibilities, until we accept the fact that we are only hindering his recovery by doing so.

I came, in other words, to get something, just as we all do. By and by I found that “getting” depends largely on my willingness to give—to be of service to others, whether it is just pitching in to help with setting up and cleaning up at meetings or giving comfort and reassurance to others in trouble.

Giving love is a fulfillment in itself. It must not matter to us whether it is returned or not. If I give it only to get a response on my terms, my love is cancelled out.

“Has a man gained anything who has received a hundred favors and rendered none? He is great who confers the most benefits.”

What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions!

I will pick out just one character defect I can freely admit, and reason it away, right out of my whole being. Let’s say I analyze my impulse to resent. If I convince myself of its futility, I will see unexpected, welcome changes in my experience.

When a newcomer to Al-Anon tells his or her sponsor about the alcoholic conflict in the home, we must realize this is only one side of the story.

At first these reports of our grievances are highly colored and dramatized by our confusions. A small incident may be blown up out of all proportion to its reality; constant tension, anger and frustration have deprived us of a rational perspective.

Al-Anon’s challenge to me is this: deliberately to cancel out my thoughts of grievances against others, especially the alcoholic; to face the real causes of much of my misery, and to believe that I can do a great deal to improve my life by rooting out my own shortcomings.

“If you are pained by any external thing, look to yourself for release from it. When circumstances cause you to be disturbed, return to yourself quickly; do not remain out of tune with the Universal Good.”

One woman, faced by a crisis, may say confidently: “I will let go and let God.” In this case it is a courageous statement of faith that good must prevail, and that any decision she might have made, based solely on her human judgment, could have been unwise. She leaves the problem to God, expecting His guidance on what to do.

When we come into Al-Anon, our main preoccupation is the alcoholism of someone who is important in our lives.

We may guide or inspire by our example, but we cannot cast another person, however close to us, into the mold that we choose.

If I earnestly want to manage my life, I will have no time to manage anyone else’s.

“A little consideration of what takes place around us every day, would show us that a higher law than that of our will, regulates events; that our painful experiences are not necessary. A believing love will relieve us of a vast load of care. Oh, my brothers, God exists!”

“There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening, we shall hear the right word. Certainly there is a right for you that needs no choice on your part. Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into your life. Then, without effort, you are impelled to truth and to perfect contentment.”

If we are living by the Al-Anon counsel First Things First, prayer and meditation come before all else, since it is in this way that we receive guidance for our decisions.

It will give me the ability to make my judgments and decisions on the spiritual level where I will be governed by God’s goodness and wisdom.

This is a surprisingly hard assignment for many of us. Some relish their sufferings so much that everything that happens is ballooned to enormous proportions in the re-living and the telling. Self-pitiers are difficult to wean away from their martyrdom until the joys of serenity and contentment dawn on them in Al-Anon.

Others nurse their grievances, resent their lot in life, seek scapegoats to blame for everything that happens to them, particularly the alcoholic. They have not yet learned to be good to themselves. They still have before them the joyous experience of letting go of a problem—the lovely adventure of shrugging off “hurts.”

Very little that happens in my daily encounters is worth my worry, resentment, or feeling sorry for myself. If I am always ready to take offense and be hurt, I’m selling my contentment very cheaply. I must remember to be good to myself!

“How happy and useful I could be if I weren’t carrying around such a load of unpleasant emotional turmoil. No one asks me to, so why do I?”

Our yesterdays have no importance except as experience in making today more fruitful.

Let me undertake only as much as I can accomplish well, without haste or tension.