ODAT: November

Here are what I find to be the most useful quotations from the November pages of One Day at at Time in Al-Anon:

We should always keep in mind, however, that if the person we mean to help makes a decision in hysteria or desperation, it is likely to be the wrong one.

Even in cases that seem hopeless to me, I will refrain from making judgments or giving advice.

Or do we often scowl and scold, admonish and complain, so the picture we present of ourselves at home is that of boss, mentor and disapprover?

If I do not interfere, he will be compelled to find his own way out of his difficulties.

An Al-Anon member once remarked that the main source of our unhappiness is that we ourselves don’t know what we want. We think we’re dissatisfied with what we have, with the way we live, and the way other people act toward us.

They expect that it can be solved by human means alone, but they soon learn that the help they get is provided by human beings acting as channels for the love and wisdom of a Higher Power.

Divine help is always near and available to me—if I am willing to accept it.

I will close my mind to what I hear and see when it tempts me to quarrel or resent.

If we’re concentrating on dark thoughts about our own problems, we could be missing something that might help us overcome them.

His voice speaks to us even through the least of His children.

One word in the Eleventh Step stopped me: meditation. Each morning I set aside ten minutes, and tried to keep my mind on one subject, thinking of all its elements and qualities.

Just then my willful mind switched over to the happenings of the days just past and I found myself reliving all the horrors. ‘Stop!’ I said: ‘You’ve lost track of your meditation!’

I will keep myself aware of the many blessings that come to me each day and remember to be thankful for them.

It seems strange, when I think of it, that God is most vivid to my consciousness when I am in the depths of despair, and all I can say to Him is: “God help me!”

It is not men’s acts which disturb us—but our reaction to them. Take this away, and anger goes.

I know that constant dwelling on my troubles lessens my ability to see them clearly and make wise decisions.

I will not complicate the present by reviewing the past; nor will I dread what may happen tomorrow.

One way to make detachment easier is to eliminate the past and future from my thoughts.

Just for today I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality. I will remind myself that God is in charge of me and mine and that I have only to accept His protection and guidance. What happened yesterday need not trouble me today.

If I live just this one day at a time, I will not so readily entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow. If I am concentrating on today’s activities, there will be no room in my mind for fretting and worrying.

I will fill every minute of this day with something good—seen, heard, accomplished. Then when the day is ended, I can look back on it with satisfaction and serenity.

“I recall the words of an old ditty that said: ‘never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.’”

But when the stories are a continual rehash of the alcoholic’s misdeeds, nobody learns anything except that we all go through pretty much the same experiences. Where is the growth in that?

What I say at an Al-Anon meeting should not be a recital of the details of someone else’s faults and actions. I have come to get knowledge of how to deal with my frustrations and difficulties, and to impart what I have learned in Al-Anon to the others. Personal problems can be discussed with my sponsor or another Al-Anon friend.

The more experienced member realizes that we don’t tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use the advice they’re ready for.

Helping the newcomer apply Al-Anon principles to all problems is a vital part of the learning process through which all of us grow. Then we will know how to make the decisions that are best for us, and have the courage to see them through.

When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another. Good advice in Al-Anon takes the form of gentle guidance into Al- Anon principles, so people can find the right answers for themselves.

… perhaps he derives an inner satisfaction from the dependency of the alcoholic, whom he considers weak and helpless.

In the Al-Anon program he can learn to make himself comfortable by not accepting his wife’s responsibilities.

And he will do nothing toward controlling his wife’s sickness, for the First Step assures him that he cannot.

When a man sees the logic and promise in the Al-Anon idea, he will accept the necessity of releasing his wife from his solicitous domination. He will realize that she will seek sobriety only when he allows her to face her problem.

If I have been relying on my judgment alone, and have tried to correct what is wrong by using the wrong tools, I have reason for despair.

Isn’t this an inevitable consequence of our turbulent emotions, our despair and uncertainty? Isn’t it proved by our futile efforts to outwit the alcoholic, to compel him to stop drinking and meet his responsibilities? This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational!

The only possible way to improve the conditions of one’s life is to improve one’s emotional condition.

Most of the things I did, in anger and frustration, only made matters worse. Now I am learning to let go.

I will be always ready to carry the message to others. The need is all around me if I keep myself alert enough to recognize it.