ODAT: December

Here are what I find to be the most useful quotations from the November pages of One Day at at Time in Al-Anon:

I will blame no one else for anything that happened, for I have learned in Al-Anon that I am not a judge of others.

They lead to frustration because we’re not in control—of anyone or anything but ourselves.

With the best of intentions, we have been trying to cure it by treating it as deliberately willful and wicked. We are told that anything we do to humiliate and blame the alcoholic only increases his guilt or reinforces his claim that we are at fault. This teaches us the immense value of a hands-off policy.

A man is not complete who … worries about matters that cannot be altered.

Looking at the incidents of my life in this way, I might be astonished to discover that the good far outweigh the bad. And yet I concentrate so heavily on my trials and burdens that I hardly give a thought to relishing the pleasant and satisfying things that happen each day.

When I find myself being bogged down with negative thoughts, I will deliberately turn away from them.

The central truth of all worship, creed, church or dogma is that God is the essence of our being, and this is the spiritual idea of Al-Anon.

However we regard Him, or even if we do not recognize Him at all, He is always there, within us, within everything and every person in the universe, constantly available for our help if we are willing to accept.

How great is the human need for a scapegoat, someone or something to blame for our disappointments.

Nothing can work damage to me except myself; the harm that I sustain I carry about with me and never am a real sufferer except by my own fault.

I am learning to recognize in myself any immoderate emotional reactions to things that happen or to something that is said to me.

If I notice that I still squirm and agonize over past mistakes and disappointments, I will observe that and correct it.

Likewise I will guard against thoughts of dread of what may happen in the future. How can I know what’s going to be?

[The Al-Anon programme] shows me how to overcome these handicaps by taking care of just one little day at a time.

This one day I can easily cope with, if I have not frittered away my energies on destructive emotions, and if I do not provoke antagonism by criticisms, complaints and reproaches.

When anything happens to disturb me on this one day, I will ask myself: “Is it my problem?”—“Does it really matter so much?”—“Is it important?”

Today I will observe how I react and what I am tempted to say or do.

There are the super optimists who imagine that Al-Anon has a magic formula for curing all life’s ills. A weekly hour for a meeting, they think, and all will be well. A situation in which the lives and sanity of an entire family are at stake is not so easily solved, but the super optimist resolutely clings to the illusion that Al-Anon can fix everything. It “fixes” nothing; that is up to us.

Not in the once-a-week meeting alone, but with plenty of in-between reading, constant recall of the principles and constant use. Al-Anon does have the formula, but it is we who must use it.

I pray that I may start each new day with a clean blackboard and write upon it only what is good for me.

I will make sure that what I say will be helpful to someone, and not merely use the meeting as an audience for my troubles.

I will listen to everything that is said so I will have some constructive ideas to take home with me and use.

I will not yield to my compulsion to go on talking after I have made my point—and what I say will have a direct relevance to the subject of the meeting.

If someone asks for advice, I will give it only in terms of Al-Anon principles, and not suggest action to be taken.

If I have a personal problem to discuss, I will talk about it to my sponsor before or after the meeting, or by telephone between meetings.

I will not waste a single minute of that one hour of the week when we can be together to share experience, strength and hope.

Every minute I use in thinking and using the Al-Anon program makes all the hours of my week more livable.

… don’t do anything about your problems until you can see them more clearly.

I will not try to make important decisions until I have freed my mind from resentment, self-pity and hopelessness. Then I will be ready.

Al-Anon has many treasures for me if I am willing to accept them, but none can do more for me than learning really to live in the present.

For every man, the world is as fresh as it was the first day, and as full of untold novelties for him who has the eyes to see them.

I will learn to yield a little here and there and accept what I may be impelled to challenge and resist.

There is an easier way to rid ourselves of painful thoughts and imaginings than by following the philosopher’s advice: “Empty your mind….” It is to replace worry and distress with something pleasant.

Constant dwelling on disturbing matters never solves anything; trying to follow the convolutions of a problem only makes me lose all sense of proportion about it.

I will deliberately lose myself in the new preoccupation so that when I come back from it, my thoughts will be freshened and ready to deal clearly with what I have to face.

We may justify our actions, but often we only rationalize or sidestep the truth.

I won’t always look to God to help me when I’m too lazy to do my share of thinking.

God helps those who help themselves.

We are quick enough at perceiving and weighing what we suffer from others, but we mind not what others suffer from us.

Is there a way for me to improve my attitude? I will let the great decision wait until I have tried that!